Taking Care of Yourself After a Breakup

a person holding a paper heart in front of a mirror.

Breakups can make you feel as if your world has been turned upside down. You might feel an intense range of emotions, including excruciating pain, sadness, confusion, anxiety, anger, despair, and even hopelessness. Even if the breakup was for the best, at first it can be an adjustment as you come to terms with reality and your new relationship status. Taking care of yourself and being self-compassionate will help you get through your breakup and move on with your life.  Here are some ways to put it in action:

 

  1. Do things you love to do – During the painful period after ending a relationship, experiencing moments of joy can make all the difference. Often, being in a relationship means spending less time on the things you love, since a lot of energy goes into accommodating your partner’s lifestyle. Now is a great time to re-discover hobbies, activities, and interests that make you happy and re-connect with friends and other loved ones. 
  2. Exercise to release your pain – Moving your body helps you release energy, which includes emotions, thoughts, feelings, and anything else you’re holding inside of you. Let it out by dancing, spinning, walking, running, lifting weights, going to a group fitness class, or engaging in any form of movement that leaves you feeling lighter and happier. 
  3. Journal about the future – The beautiful thing about journaling is that you make it your own. Sometimes breakups make it hard to put one foot in front of the other. If you’re looking for inspiration, you could write about what your life will look once you’ve gotten over your ex and moved on with your life. As you write, really visualize a new life that contains everything you could hope for. Taking a future-focused approach following a breakup is a great way to remind yourself that your life isn’t over and you can still manifest your dreams.
  4. Get some sunshine – This might not be possible every day, depending on where you live, but even if the sun is hiding, spending time outside in the fresh air will help balance your emotions. Being in nature is a way to get grounded. This is incredibly helpful following a breakup, sine the emotional roller-coaster of it all can leave you needing to reconnect with your roots. 
  5. Eat a balanced diet – Some people tend to eat less when they’re heartbroken; some tend to eat more. Aiming to maintain a balanced, healthy diet post-breakup will support your healing process. Because of the well-established connection between your brain and your gut, what you eat affects your mood, either contributing to or alleviating feelings of anxiety and depression.  
  6. Be self-compassionate – Give yourself time to grieve the loss of this relationship, and don’t be hard on yourself about how you’re coping. That will only make your pain worse and prolong the process. Think about this: How would you treat a friend if they had just experienced a breakup? Treat yourself with the same love and compassion you would give them. You deserve it just as much as they do. 
  7. Seek support – We are wired for connection, so following a breakup, social and emotional support are essential. Your friends and loved ones can provide you with support, and a therapist can also help you process your break-up and integrate the experience in a healthy and meaningful way. 

 

Healing from a breakup is hard, and it can take time to start feeling okay again after this kind of loss. But when you hold the intention to reconnect with yourself, take care of yourself, and stay compassionate with yourself, you can move through the process with more grace and awareness. Eventually, you’ll get to the other side of your grief and pain. You’ll integrate the relationship that’s ended into the story of your life, and you’ll move forward into a bright future.  

 

How Yoga Can Improve Your Body Image

a group of people doing yoga on mats.

Struggles with body image and disordered eating are, unfortunately, a common experience for many people. And part of what comes with this struggle is a disconnection from your own body. When you don’t accept your body as it is, you tend to stop listening to it. You lose touch with the experience of being in your body, which ultimately disconnects you from yourself. But there are ways to restore and repair that connection. Yoga is one powerful way to develop a mind-body connection and start forming a healthy relationship with your body. Yoga has been found to improve body image, self-compassion, mindfulness, and emotion regulation. It has also been shown to decrease the desire for thinness. The physical practice of yoga can help you focus on how your body feels, rather than how it looks. This helps you connect with physical sensations and emotions in the present moment, tune into your hunger signals, and know when it’s time to rest.

The philosophy of yoga includes the yamas,* which can act as a guideline for how to treat your body with love and respect. The yamas reflect values that can give you a sense of integrity about how you live and how you care for yourself, which is essential for recovery:

  • Ahimsa means non-violence and is about honoring your body’s needs (e.g., adequate nutrition, balanced exercise, etc.) and having compassion for yourself. 
  • Satya means truthfulness. It involves learning to use your voice and accepting help.
  • Brachacharya means non-excess. It is a reminder to live your life with balance, as this is the key to recovery.
  • Aparigraha means non-attachment, which involves letting go of being perfect and realizing that you are not defined by the shape of your body. Aparigraha invites you to accept your body for its unique beauty. 

  Being able to listen to your body and provide it with nourishment is an essential lesson from the yoga yamas and a foundational aspect of recovery from negative body image and eating disorders. Yoga provides a way to start connecting with your body, learning to listen to it, and treating it with love and respect. At Evergreen Therapy, we emphasize these values in our work—especially when it comes to body image issues and eating disorders—and we encourage our clients to explore yoga as a possible complement to talk therapy. 

Exploring the Connection Between Body Image and Self-Compassion

a woman sitting in the grass holding a circular mirror.

If you’re unhappy with your body and the reflection you see in the mirror, you may be interested to learn that self-compassion is linked with a more positive body image and sense of self-acceptance. It can lead you to appreciate your body for all that it can do, rather than hating it and feeling shameful about the parts of it you judge and criticize. Having compassion for yourself means treating your body with love and respect.

 

Compassion-Focused Therapy is one of the approaches we use at Evergreen Therapy to treat body image issues and eating disorders. This therapeutic approach is designed to enhance your level of self-kindness, your connection with others, and your use of mindfulness in everyday life. Through this form of therapy, you can learn how to treat your body with care and how to silence that inner critic that makes you feel shameful towards yourself. If you’ve been struggling with body image issues or disordered eating, you might consider working with a compassion-focused therapist to start developing more acceptance toward yourself. In the meantime, here are a few ways you can begin cultivating self-compassion on your own:

 

  1. Treat your body the way you’d treat a friend, or the way you wish your friend would treat their own body. 

This practice really puts things into perspective. Think of someone you love. Would you want them to be as hard on themselves as you are on yourself? Imagine if you heard them being self-critical about their appearance. What would you say to them? Turn these words into self-kindness as you look at your reflection and say them to yourself. As you direct these words inward, remember that your body allows you to be in this world and experience life. Treat it with gratitude for all it can do, and see it as your ally—a friend who supports you every day.

 

  1. Give yourself supportive touch.

Physical touch can help you calm down when you are upset. One way to do this is by placing your hand on your heart. Tune into this sensation. Gently breathe in and out, making your exhalations longer than your inhalations. You can repeat a mantra to yourself when doing this, to quiet your inner critic, such as: I am safe, I am beautiful, I am worthy of love.

 

  1. Express your emotions through journaling.

Journaling is a great way to release the pain you might be feeling inside. Writing gives you a space to express yourself and let go of the shame you feel about your body. Begin by thinking about a moment when you felt unhappy about your body. Tune into the emotions associated with that moment, and write about that experience without judging yourself for how you felt in the moment. No one is perfect, including you. Reflect on this through your journaling, as imperfection is a part of the human experience. Finally, write something kind towards yourself. Compassionate self-talk makes it easier for you to love and accept your body as it is.

 

Mindfulness to Improve Your Mood

a man standing in front of a cliff with his hands behind his head.

Everyday life provides its stressors, and in the moment, it can be incredibly challenging to regulate your emotions and respond to stressful events in a balanced way. When you are unable to regulate your moods, you wind up more sensitive or reactive than normal. Stress can also manifest physically, causing inflammation in the body and leading to unhealthy lifestyle behaviors. Mindfulness and body-oriented therapies can help you stay in the present moment, thereby regulating your stress response. By integrating mindfulness practices into your daily life, you can help normalize your nervous system so that in times of distress, you can bring yourself back to baseline.

Mindfulness practices include:

  • Breathwork: Gently inhale through your nose for 4 counts, hold your breath for 4 counts, then exhale through your nose for 4 counts. Pause for 4 counts, and then begin again. Continue this square breathing for a few minutes to help calm yourself.
  • Observe: Be curious about your surroundings through your senses: smell, touch, sight, etc. The flower gazing meditation is one example of this. Look at a flower as if you are seeing it for the first time. Be curious of its shape, appreciate its beauty, and take in its sweet smell. When we slow down, we notice that nature is constantly providing us with moments of awe.
  • Change Your Perception: Look up with your eyes until your vision changes. This takes you out of your experience and in doing so, helps you hit pause on your reaction. Having a moment to pause gives you space to think about your response before acting on it.
  • Body Scan: Tense and release each of the muscles in your body, beginning with your toes all the way up to your face. Breathe into each of your muscles, one by one. On your inhalation, visualize yourself taking in whatever it is that you need in that moment (love, peace, happiness, hope, etc.) and when you release the muscle, exhale whatever you want to release (sadness, anger, anxiety, etc.)
  • Movement: We hold on to stress and anxiety in our bodies. You can release these unwanted feelings by moving your body in whatever way feels good to you. This could be through walking, running, working out, or dancing. Just get moving and experience yourself releasing whatever is inside of you that you want to get rid of.
  • Social Connection: We are wired for connection, and having a social network is incredibly helpful. Oftentimes, we feel as if we are alone when we are going through something. However, we are much more connected than we think. Embracing this sense of common humanity helps us cultivate self-compassion and allows us to connect with loved ones as well as strangers. This helps normalize times of stress, as we realize they are a part of the human experience. We heal through relationships; so call a friend or touch base with your therapist when you are feeling stressed or need support.

When you are triggered and your anxiety increases, your thoughtfulness decreases. You are taken out of your rational brain—the part that helps you regulate your emotions—and your emotional brain gets activated, which leads to intense emotional expression. But the good news is, your brain is neuroplastic. This means that it is dynamic, responsive to your actions, and capable of healing. Over time, mindfulness can literally change your brain! When practiced daily, mindfulness will help you deal with stress more effectively and experience more relaxation on a day-to-day basis.

This TedTalk discusses how neuroplasticity allows you to shape your brain, which could help you respond better to stress and anxiety!