In the early part of the relationship, many people believe that couples therapy isn’t necessary—after all, why fix what isn’t broken? Then, as things start to change over time, and those unhelpful patterns start to set in, they avoid seeking therapy because they believe the problems will go away on their own. “It’s just a rough patch.” “We’re just going through a tough time right now.” “Things will get better once we overcome this financial issue, once the kids get a little older, once our jobs become less stressful.” But as time passes, the fault lines in the relationship only grow deeper.
At some point, thoughts of therapy start to creep back in; but this time, they’re attached to the idea that if therapy won’t fix it, nothing will. In this way, couples therapy becomes a last resort—a last-ditch effort to save a failing relationship. At Evergreen Therapy, we believe that it doesn’t have to be this way.
Couples therapy can be a powerful intervention for couples at every stage of their relationship, regardless of how well or how poorly things are going. For new couples, therapy can provide an opportunity to explore big-picture issues and differences in perspective, upbringing, attachment style, religion, culture, communication style, or parenting approach. Taking a thoughtful inventory of the relationship at the start can be a helpful way to build a solid foundation and set the relationship up for success.
For couples who have started to notice that certain things aren’t working so well, couples therapy can offer a way to iron out issues before they become toxic. It can provide helpful tools, skills, and approaches for improving communication, overcoming major differences, establishing healthier patterns for interacting and approaching conflict, securing the attachment bond, and creating more unity and harmony in the relationship.
Couples facing specific crises in the relationship, such as an infidelity, can find that couples therapy is a critical part of the repair process. Moving forward after a significant betrayal of trust is vulnerable and often extremely challenging. But with the help of a supportive therapist, couples can start to find their footing on a more hopeful path toward a healthy future together.
When couples do come to therapy on the brink of calling it quits, the process of couples therapy can be a critical and relationship-saving venture. At Evergreen Therapy, we don’t see ourselves as referees. We aren’t there to choose sides or tell couples who’s right and who’s wrong. Rather, our job is to provide a supportive and productive atmosphere where couples can neutralize the tension and toxicity that have gotten in the way of their connection. The couples therapy experience gives even the most high-conflict couples a chance to see things through another lens, understand each other more clearly, communicate with each other more effectively, and collaboratively find solutions to the problems imposing on their relationship. In some cases, it may provide a supportive space for mindfully and respectfully dissolving the relationship so that even if it doesn’t make sense to continue on as a couple, everybody’s wellbeing is preserved as much as possible in the process of ending things.
Simply put, all couples can benefit from couples therapy!
