Is Self-Hypnosis a Super-Power?

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When most of us think of hypnosis, our minds tend to conjure particular scenes: a timepiece swinging from side to side; someone quacking like a duck for an audience’s amusement; a hypnotist creepily half-whispering some version of, “You’re getting sleeepyyy.” These classic images of hypnosis embedded in our collective consciousness give the practice a really bad rap. But the truth is, hypnosis—or hypnotherapy, as it’s referred to when practiced in clinical settings—has a number of practical benefits to offer. Research supports the use of hypnosis for everything from smoking cessation to weight loss. It’s been shown to yield powerful results for people dealing with panic attacks, sleep disturbances, chronic pain, low self-esteem, and much more. In short, the real practice of hypnosis is nothing like the dramatized versions we’ve been shown on television and stage shows. It’s a true healing practice, and the reason it works so well is far less spooky than you might imagine. 

Hypnosis, in essence, is all about connection. It’s a way of crossing over boundaries that tend to separate us from ourselves, others, and the world in general. When these boundaries are dissolved through hypnosis, the wisdom of the body and the unconscious mind can be recruited to generate powerful changes. Often, our attempts to create change at the conscious level only wind up getting us more stuck. For example, people with insomnia who try hard to fall asleep will usually discover that those well-intentioned, perfectly reasonable efforts only keep them more awake. But the truth is, the body and unconscious mind know precisely how to drift into deep sleep; and if the conscious mind gets out of the way, they’ll do it with ease. So that’s where hypnosis comes in—and, more specifically, where self-hypnosis comes in. 

Self-hypnosis is a practice we can all adopt to help us get more relaxed, sleep better, manage pain more effectively, and cope with mental and emotional challenges that arise throughout the day. The practice, which shares some things in common with meditation, can give us access to our own healing super-powers. By learning how to dissolve boundaries and create connections, we can access the extraordinary wisdom of our unconscious minds and bodies. 

The practice of self-hypnosis allows us to enter a flow state, in which changes can happen effortlessly and spontaneously. It helps us come back to the balanced state that is our true nature. Hypnosis isn’t some form of sorcery, as those classic images would have us believe, but it does help us tap into the magic that we carry around inside of us—the magic that helps us heal ourselves. 

Anyone can learn to hypnotize themselves; all it takes is a few simple tools and a little practice. If you’re intrigued, or think you could benefit from what self-hypnosis has to offer, join me at Innergy Meditation on Friday, January 18th from 7:30p.m. – 9:30p.m., and learn how you can Unleash Your Inner Healer Through Self-Hypnosis. I hope to see you there!

It’s a Long and Winding Road

a train track with trees in the background.

I had a startling encounter with myself recently that came at an unexpected time, with unanticipated intensity. During a heated argument with someone I love, I found myself in dark yet familiar territory: The Shadow Land, as I’ve come to call it. This is a place I’ve known all my life—one that I decided years ago to travel far, far away from but that somehow has a way of calling me back from time to time. In the midst of this particularly painful exchange, I found myself there again and felt all those old emotions that I swore to myself (much more than once) I’d never feel again. I was out of my depth; I felt out of control. As the awful words tumbled out of my mouth and the dark emotions surged through me, I disconnected from the purest parts of myself and went completely into shadow mode. I didn’t like who I was being or where I was going in that moment, but I was compelled to keep spiraling deeper into it. What a painful experience. What an awful, well-worn path to tread. It’s tough to admit this—especially given the pressure placed on people in my position to act as if we’ve got it all together all the time— but if owning up to it makes any sort of contribution to anyone else’s process, it’s well worth it.

As someone doing the kind of work I do, I have the benefit of getting an insider’s view of the painful insecurities and disowned shadowy bits that plague most people. If we’re willing to look closely, all of us can find parts of ourselves we’re unwilling to own; parts of our stories we’re unwilling to forgive; parts of our lives we’re unwilling to accept. Some of us are at war with ourselves, unable to live comfortably in our own skin. Others—perhaps those who have ventured into the territory of healing and made the brave and radical decision to shine love and acceptance where there has been darkness—know the pain and disappointment of realizing that the work isn’t done. This was my experience as I found myself losing touch with my light. This is the experience of owning the unfortunate yet inevitable truth—that self-acceptance and self-love are a lifelong project.

We’re living in interesting times, where self-improvement is in style, and everywhere we look, someone’s offering a quick and easy solution to peace everlasting. But let’s be honest: human nature is more complex than we’ll ever understand, and the road to total self-acceptance is a long and winding one. Books, seminars, coaching, and therapy can give us direction and equip us with the tools we need to find our way; but Life, as always, remains in charge, finding myriad ways to put us in touch with the unacknowledged, unforgiven, disowned parts of ourselves. The dark matter, as it turns out, runs deep—and so does the work of shining our light there.

After spending some time battling my demons and forgetting everything I’ve ever known—or taught—about self-acceptance and self-love, I found my breath and allowed myself to re-align. I called upon my courage and committed to doing some exploring of everything that was unearthed when this person so close to me triggered something I had no idea was lurking beneath the surface. But first, I did some serious ugly crying, jotted some notes in my journal, gave myself a big hug, and got back to the business of living. Because this is what we self-helpers tend to gloss over: sometimes, we can’t just Namaste the pain away and bathe ourselves in blissful self-love. Sometimes, pulling ourselves together and wearily declaring a truce is all we can manage. The process, as I said, is a deep one, and the journey toward boundless self-love might be never-ending. So sometimes, the best we can do is stay with the process and sit with the pain of what hasn’t yet healed, trusting that shining the light of our awareness into the darkness is its own powerful form of progress.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that if only we read enough, meditate enough, go to enough yoga classes, or repeat enough mantras, we’ll be healed forever. I mean, how appealing is it to believe that we can free ourselves, once and for all, from the shackles of insecurity, self-doubt, and self-loathing? But the truth is, when we buy into the notion that the self-love project is one we can conquer swiftly and completely, we only add to our own suffering. Maybe instead, we can let ourselves settle into the lifelong journey and appreciate the process of learning as we go. Maybe we can brace ourselves for those dark nights of the soul, trusting that they’ll usually wind up being the greatest contributions to our growth.

Listen, I’ll be the first to tell you: personal development work is not for the faint of heart. It’s gruesome to face down the self-limiting beliefs and unresolved emotional drama living inside us. But despite what any late-night infomercial or well-funded Facebook ad might try to sell you on, it’s the only way transformation can happen. We’ve got to face it and feel it to heal it; and we’ve got to be ready for the lifelong project of self-growth, self-love, self-acceptance, and self-improvement. But though the journey is long and the work deep, I, for one, take great comfort in knowing that we’re in this together. All of us breathing and learning and healing and growing, side by side—all of us contributing to and gaining from one another’s beautiful journeys.

I Can Do Nothing For You

a person holding a bunch of leaves in their hands.

In one of the first classes I took as a graduate student, the professor began her first lecture by saying something along the lines of, “So, you want to be a therapist? Well, let’s start with some ground rules. Rule number one: Never help anyone.” I was flabbergasted. Dumbfounded. For a moment I thought I’d sat down in the wrong class. I wondered how a professor could give such an incomprehensible instruction to a group of students who, by and large, chose their career path so they could help and serve others. I started to rethink everything that influenced my decision to become a therapist.

That professor never directly explained what she meant by her shocking introductory message. Instead, she assured us that through the course of our experiences as students, interns, and professionals, we would come to learn exactly what she was talking about. I’ll admit that it took me some time to understand the meaning behind her injunction to “never help anyone.” During the first couple years of my career, I exhausted myself with efforts to help my clients. I put all my energy into trying to motivate them, heal them, free them from their unfortunate circumstances, inspire them to change. In many cases, I worked harder than my clients at making a difference in their lives, only to find myself disappointed and depleted when things didn’t go according to my plan. I can’t recall the specific moment when my professor’s teaching became clear to me, but once it did, it revolutionized my work and inspired me to pass the wisdom on to others.

What I came to understand is that if I was to truly be of service to my clients, I had to transform my understanding of what it meant to “help” them. All along I had been working from the premise that helping others means doing things for them, taking action on their behalf, grabbing the reins and steering their lives in a particular direction. The truth is, I acted from this definition of help not only in my relationships with clients, but in my relationships with everyone. I always saw myself as a giving and helping person, and I regularly went out of my way to be there for the people in my life, even when it meant inconveniencing myself or taking on more than I could handle.

What I finally realized is that my professor wasn’t telling us to be unavailable for our clients. She wasn’t commanding us to be unhelpful. Instead, she was nudging us toward the understanding that to truly be of service to others, we have to position ourselves in a very particular way. In essence, we have to help them by empowering them to help themselves. That brilliant professor wanted her students to understand that the best thing therapists can do for their clients is keep them company on their journey toward solving their own problems, finding their own way. And now that I understand that, I want everyone I know to understand it as well.

There’s a quote from psychologist, author, and spiritual teacher Ram Dass that I’m totally crazy about. It goes: “I can do nothing for you but work on myself. You can do nothing for me but work on yourself.” The wisdom in that quote is the same wisdom imparted on me by my professor. You see, if you are to be of service to anyone in this world, your primary task is to be stable, centered, and well. It is only when you are well that you can help others be well. Think about it this way: When flight attendants give the safety instructions just before takeoff they remind you that in the case of an emergency, when the oxygen masks drop down, you must put yours on first before helping anyone else with theirs. The logic of this is very simple: If you run out of air, you’ll be in no position to assist anyone around you. Helping others, in that case, won’t be very much help at all. And so it is in every aspect of our lives. If we want to be helpful, we must first be well.

When my professor told us to “never help anyone,” she wasn’t telling us to be unkind. And I’m not telling you to be unkind either. Instead, I’m telling you that the greatest gift you can give to anyone in this world is to be the best version of yourself. First, because your doing so is likely to inspire other people, motivating them to work on themselves. Second, because it is only when you are centered and attending to your own needs that you have the capacity to be available to others. And finally, because helping others doesn’t mean taking over for them; it means being a source of support—someone they can lean on when they need it. If they’re going to lean on you, you’ve got to be sturdy. Your foundation has got to be solid.

Once I was able to shift my way of helping others, I never again felt the fatigue or resentment I was once so susceptible to experiencing. Instead, I felt a vitality that was invigorating for me and inspiring for the people around me. When I started to focus on stabilizing and centering myself, my capacity to support others expanded; at last, I became helpful in the truest sense.

I invite you to begin your own journey of rethinking what it means to be helpful, and I welcome you to consider that the best way to give to others is to first give to yourself.