Want a Better Life? Do Less, Be More

a person sitting on top of a cliff.

Take a moment to ask yourself the following questions:

  • When was the last time I jumped out of bed in the morning with the energy of a child, eager to face the day?  
  • When did I last take a moment to pause, look up at the sky, and marvel at its vastness? 
  • What was the last thing I did that made me feel completely and utterly in love with myself?
  • How long has it been since I had a meaningful interaction with another person?
  • When was the last time I felt fully satisfied with the life I’m living?

Chances are you had a difficult time answering a few, if not all, of those questions. Most people do.

In our increasingly fast-paced society, in which we glorify being busy and contend with countless demands on our time, life can often feel like a struggle to keep up. Emails flood our inboxes at a frenzied pace, and every issue in our lives seems to require our immediate attention. Our technology keeps us flooded with information that’s impossible to keep up with, and we’re in a constant state of sensory overload. It’s no wonder we often feel exhausted and (ironically) disconnected so much of the time.

Don’t get me wrong, much can be gained from working hard, seeking advancement, and making the most of the technology available to us. The problem is that it comes at quite a cost.

Here’s the thing. There’s a reason we’re called human beings and not human doings. Although we’re highly capable of doing, we were designed for being. And when we allow ourselves to slow down and just be, we discover how much we’re missing and overlooking when we’re zipping through life at lightning speed.

Shifting from doing mode to being mode can create a monumental shift in our experience of life. When we make this shift, we start to feel more centered, more balanced, more grounded, more connected. We start deliberately using our five senses to encounter the world around us. We start getting curious about our internal experience, noticing our thoughts and emotions as they arise. We start to get intentional about engaging with everything that surrounds us, including other human beings. We start discovering and enjoying the miraculous nature of being alive.

People who learn how to create the shift from doing to being tend to have a positive outlook on life. They tend to find their relationships meaningful and satisfying. Most importantly, they tend to experience deep love for themselves and their lives.

Are you interested in becoming one of those people? I’m happy to tell you that you can be. It’s only a matter of practice.

The best way to begin the practice of doing less and being more is to create small rituals and commit to carrying them out each day. You might start by doing something as simple as setting an alarm on your phone that goes off 5 times a day. Each time the alarm goes off, you stop whatever you’re doing and take 5 full, deep breaths, allowing yourself to rest your attention completely on the sensation of breathing. Another entry point to being mode is meditation. You might begin by searching YouTube for guided meditations, choosing one you feel comfortable with, and doing it 2 times a week.

When you commit to living more intentionally, you’re committing to a life of more vitality and deeper awareness. You’re giving yourself the gift of living life more fully, with a greater sense of purpose. I welcome you to explore some other ways you can engage your natural state of being, and I invite you to stay tuned for more posts here at Evergreen Therapy that will guide your journey toward slowing down and tuning in.

 

 

 

 

Get Out of Your Head, Get Into Your Experience

a view of the top of a snowy mountain.

“Experience, contrary to popular belief, is mostly imagination” – Ruth Benedict

I came across this quote recently, and it really struck a chord with me. It got me thinking about perspective and how much it influences the way we experience our lives. Recently I worked with a client who was struggling with a sense of being “stuck in a rut.” She knew she should be happy with her two fabulous jobs, her gorgeous new home, her adoring partner, and her ever-expanding wardrobe, but she just didn’t feel satisfied. And it seemed the more she tried to remind herself of all the reasons she had to be happy, the less content she felt. By the time she came to see me, she was convinced that she was “self-sabotaging,” setting herself up for “a miserable life.”

My client’s experience is not uncommon. Who can’t relate to being surrounded by things that should produce joy, yet feeling underwhelmed? The truth is, things like appreciation and gratitude—the things my client wanted to feel but didn’t—are just like muscles; they have to be conditioned and put to work in order to grow stronger. And the first step in the process of conditioning these mental muscles is paying attention.

If we want to shift our experience of life and become more aware of how good we have it, we must start by tuning in to what’s going on. We often feel dissatisfied because we’re distracted and consumed by our own thoughts. Rather than taking stock of what we do have, we think about what we’d rather have or compare ourselves to people who have more. We get caught up in anxious thinking, dreaming up catastrophe situations or wondering when things will go wrong. Or we simply get carried away by the chitter-chatter taking place inside our minds. The problem with this is that whenever we’re in our minds, it’s a guarantee that we’re not present for our experiences. We’re living in our imaginations rather than living our actual lives. Going through life this way is a setup for disappointment and disillusionment. It’s one of the biggest reasons why so many people search for happiness and fail to find it.

Through our work together, my client came to realize that a big culprit for her discontent was that instead of living her life, she was telling herself stories about her life. I taught her techniques to ground herself in the present moment and flex the mental muscles of attention, awareness, and appreciation. Within just a few weeks, she was feeling completely differently. She had achieved a sense of deep satisfaction, and the important people in her life noticed a big difference in her attitude and outlook.

Just as a picture of a place will never do it justice, a story about our experience will never compare to the real thing. The time to start appreciating what you have is right now. But first you’ve got to get out of your head so you can get into your experience. When you learn to do this and commit yourself to practicing it, you’ll be surprised to find that happiness is well within your reach.