One Big Storm, One Powerful Teacher

a beach with waves coming in to shore.

It’s been two days since Hurricane Irma finished whipping her way through the Caribbean and Southeastern United States. For the last week, life around here has unfolded in surreal fashion, and we’ve got a long way to go before things get back on track. All over the affected areas, people are experiencing varying degrees of devastation as a result of this storm’s overwhelming impact. We’re repairing what was damaged; grieving what was lost; scrambling for gasoline, water, and other essentials; hoping that our electricity, phone signal, and air conditioning will be restored; wondering how long it will take to rebuild. We’ve all got different circumstances and different stories. We’re all pretty tense and pretty tired. But in spite of it all, we’re getting a number of valuable lessons from Irma. If we’re willing to learn from this storm, there are many things it can teach us. Here are just a few:

The power of perspective. One of the first clients I worked with after the storm had a pretty harrowing Irma experience. As he recounted some of the details, I felt compassion and sympathy for what he’d gone through; I was filled with gratitude for not having struggled as much as he had. So I was astonished when he went on to say that his storm experience was one of the most beautiful and profound he’d ever had. While he acknowledged the unfavorable nature of his situation, he chose the perspective that the storm “happened for a reason,” and he opened himself up to what it had to teach him. The truth is, a natural disaster isn’t a completely positive experience. But it isn’t a completely negative one, either. We can choose our perspective, even when we can’t choose our circumstances—and that’s a pretty powerful thing.

The value of community.  It’s no secret: isolation is endemic in our culture, and it’s killing us. Modern living makes it easy to detach from one another and focus on our individual needs. But during times of collective crisis, we tend to pull together and lend each other a hand. In realizing that we’re all in this together, we’re more apt to connect and collaborate. All across the areas impacted by this storm, evidence of this abounds. And though it might be a difficult time, we get to experience some relief in knowing that we’re not alone. Whether we’re giving or receiving support, there’s a lesson to be learned about the magnificent gifts of connection and community.

The wisdom in surrender. One of the things that made Hurricane Irma such a severe disaster was the staggering size of it. For those of us in its path, there were few good options. Mother Nature was sending Irma to us, like it or not, and we couldn’t really get away from it. Though we got busy doing the best we could to prepare and protect ourselves, we couldn’t control the storm itself. We could, however, determine how to respond to it. We could become consumed with fear and anxiety, deny what was happening, resist the situation, or think of all the reasons why it shouldn’t be happening to us. But it was happening anyway. And the thing is, lots of life works this way. Irma gave us a gift in teaching us that when things are out of our control, all we can do is surrender. Not as a way to give up, but as a way to lean in to what’s already happening. There’s wisdom in this—the likes of which can transform our lives.

The beauty in simplicity. This storm has taken many things from many people. It’s brought devastating loss. And as difficult as it might be, it’s possible to see that something can be gained from what’s been lost. All of us who experienced this storm—even if we suffered little loss—have spent several days without certain comforts and constants. Starbucks is shuttered, nail salons are boarded up, and Netflix is inaccessible. Millions of homes lost electricity, and Wi-Fi is hard to find. Being stripped of the trappings of our cozy modern lives can offer a profound lesson for those willing to receive it. Our return to relative simplicity can teach us to discern between the vital and the inconsequential, the fundamental and the frivolous. It’s all too easy to get caught up in the details of our lives and lose sight of what matters most to us. Perhaps this lesson from Irma can inspire us to make an intentional practice of keeping it simple.

The reality of our resilience. There’s no denying that natural disasters like Hurricane Irma, Hurricane Harvey, and the devastating earthquake in Mexico create incredible suffering for the people affected by them. Much is lost and destroyed, to be sure. But even amidst their trauma and devastation, people continue to breathe the next breath, take the next step, and continue moving forward. Words like relief, repair, recovery, and rebuild become part of our common discourse about these events just as soon as they’ve happened; this alone is proof of our expansive capacity to begin again. These are troubling times for many. But they will pass. And we’ll get through it, one way or another, to continue beginning again and again.

If you’ve been affected by Hurricane Irma and are seeking support, let’s connect and set up a time to talk.

Want to lend a hand to the communities affected by the storm? Here are some ways you can contribute:

The Miami Foundation Hurricane Relief Efforts

Hurricane Irma Community Recovery Fund

The New Tropic List of Ways to Help & Volunteer

 

 

 

 

The Making of a Grateful Mind

the sun is setting over a city with tall buildings.

If you’re the type of person who actively seeks ways to improve your quality of life, you’re likely to have come across a thing or two about the importance of gratitude. Just about every self-help book on the shelves makes mention of gratitude, and researcher after researcher has touted its many benefits. People who practice gratitude have been found to be more compassionate, more optimistic, more joyful, and more content with themselves and their lives. Gratitude has been associated with higher levels of positive emotions, stronger immune systems, and lower blood pressure. Clearly, it wields a great deal of power.

But for many people, gratitude doesn’t come naturally.

In a culture that values the attainment of more (more money, more friends, more social media “likes,” more material things), it’s easy for us to feel like we’re lacking. We’re flooded with messages that tell us we don’t have enough and, even worse, that we aren’t enough. We like to believe that if only we had the right salary, the right body type, the right car, the right romantic partner, the right house, then we could be satisfied. But it doesn’t quite work that way. You see, research has shown that when we think that acquiring certain things—like money, status, or fame—will make us happier, we’re only setting ourselves up for dissatisfaction. Just as soon as we get what we wanted, we come up with other things to aim for; and until we acquire those things, we remain discontented. Social scientists call this the hedonic treadmill effect: the more we get, the more we want, and the more we want, the more unhappy we are.

The biggest problem with the hedonic treadmill is that once you step on, it’s really tough to hop off. However, there’s one thing that works particularly well for escaping this dilemma. Yep, you guessed it; it’s gratitude.

People who cultivate a sense of gratitude are able to appreciate and enjoy their lives, regardless of their external circumstances. They understand that by acknowledging what they have to give thanks for, they’re generating a sense of contentment and satisfaction that isn’t dependent on outside sources. If you’re one of those people who lives in gratitude, you know what I’m talking about. If you’re not one of those people but would like to be, here are a few ways you can begin to practice more gratitude in your life:

1) Greet Each Day Gratefully –The first thing many people do upon waking up is grumble about the fact that it’s morning. They grumpily get out of bed and start the day lethargically, begrudging the fact that they can’t sleep any longer. What we do when we first wake up has the potential to shape our entire day. That’s why the best time to practice gratitude is first thing in the morning. A few years ago I started a personal practice of not letting myself get up until I’ve thought of five things I’m grateful for. I might say to myself something like, “This morning I’m grateful for this comfortable bed, for having a reason to wake up in the morning, for the light of the beautiful sun shining through my window, for my air conditioner, and for the clothes I’ll wear to work today.” Reflecting on how fortunate I am automatically puts me in a joyful mood, and it’s in that spirit that I emerge from bed. You may come up with your own practice, but however you do it, maintain the intention of shaping your day with thankfulness.

2) Keep a Gratitude Journal – Researchers who study gratitude suggest that keeping a written record of the things we’re grateful for can have tremendous psychological and emotional benefits. Not only does the act of writing down things you’re thankful for get you in a positive mind state, it also allows you to put your experiences in context and create meaning in your life. The results of studies on gratitude journaling suggest that the practice is most effective when it’s done intentionally. In other words, people get the most of out it when they take their time to think about what they’re grateful for and experience the emotions that arise while they write it down. Researchers recommend writing about five items each time, and journaling only a couple of times per week rather than every day. So what are you waiting for? Get the lead out, and get grateful!

3) Make the Switch – Have you heard it said that we create our own reality? What about the saying “Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you react to it”? Well, there’s great wisdom in these expressions. As we go through life, we get to choose how to perceive what we experience. And what we choose makes all the difference. For example, sitting in traffic on your morning commute can either be agonizing or enjoyable. If you think, “I hate traffic! I wish I didn’t have to deal with this in the morning. I’m so jealous of people who work from home,” you’re going to feel really lousy. And who wants to feel lousy when you have a choice to feel otherwise? If you think, “I’m so grateful to have a car that gets me to work. I’m grateful to have the extra time to myself that I can use to listen to music and relax before the work day begins,” you generate an entirely different feeling. Suddenly that morning commute isn’t so bad. And it’s not just traffic that can be transformed this way. We can switch our minds to gratitude in absolutely every situation. It’s all a matter of focus. The best part is, when you regularly practice switching your perspective to look for what you’re grateful for rather than what’s lacking, you train your brain to pay attention in this way more often. Do this long enough and you’ll automatically see the upside without having to give it much effort.

4) Get Grateful Through Giving – One of the best ways to be reminded of what you have to be grateful for is to keep company with someone who’s less fortunate than you are. Most of us can agree that it feels really good to give to others; it serves as a reminder of our abundance. Volunteer work, service, and random acts of kindness are all incredible ways to cultivate a sense of gratitude. The more we give, the more we realize how much we have to give. And the more we realize that, the more grateful we become. When we give to others we also give to ourselves. It’s the greatest win-win situation of all.

When you start getting grateful you start to see your life transform right before you. You begin to realize that no matter what’s happening, there’s always something to be thankful for. Why not start getting grateful right here, right now? I challenge you to stay on this screen until you’ve named five things you’re grateful for.

Ready?

 

Set?

 

Go!!!