My name is Dr. Denise Fournier, and I’m addicted to personal growth and transformation.
If you haven’t noticed, I live for the stuff. There’s just something about watching people go through the process of discovering and achieving their potential that gives me boundless joy. It is, without question, the greatest source of fulfillment and inspiration in my life. Many years ago, before deciding to become a therapist, I took on the project of connecting intimately with myself and discovering what was possible for me. I made personal development and self-mastery a priority, and it’s made all the difference in my life. Having the opportunity to share that with other people through the work I do as a therapist and coach is an invaluable gift—one that I’ll be dedicated to for as long as I live.
Through the work I’ve done on myself and with my clients, I’ve come to identify a few factors that I believe to be essential for personal transformation and goal attainment.
- Start at The End. Whenever I meet a new coaching or therapy client, I almost always start with a conversation about our final session together. That’s because I believe strongly in starting a journey with the destination in mind. Like I say to my clients, personal development is similar to traveling: you’ve got to know where you’re going before you can take any action to get there. If you haven’t decided on a destination for your trip, you won’t know which flight to book or what to pack in your suitcase. Similarly, you won’t know what to do along your journey of personal development if you haven’t clearly defined your goals. Everyone defines their best, most successful life differently. Before you start plotting the course to yours, give some thought to where you’re going and what it will look like when you get there.
- Establish Your Future Vision, But Be Here Now. Once you’ve created the vision for your best life, you’ll do well to shift your view from the future to the present. I’ve seen many clients get so attached to their goals and outcomes that they lose sight of what they’re doing in the moment. This causes them to get frustrated, impatient, distracted, and disconnected. The future—like the past—is a great place to visit, but it won’t serve you to live there. Once you set your goals and design the life you envision for your future, come back to the now, where life is happening, and be present to your experience in the moment. The more connected you are to your life as it’s happening, the more command you’ll have over your process, and the closer you’ll be to creating the life of your dreams.
- Assemble Your Audience of Accountability. You are worthy and capable of great things, and the possibilities for your best life are endless. But no matter who you are or what you’re working with, you won’t get nearly as far alone as you will with the support of others. When asked about the keys to their success, most accomplished individuals will say that they have people in their lives whom they can count on to hold them accountable and support them every step of the way. I call these people the audience of accountability. They’re the ones who will always tell you the truth. They’ll push you to be your best and won’t let you sell out or play small. If you’re up to big things in your life, make sure to surround yourself with trusted people who know about your goals and are invested in helping you achieve them. By creating your audience of accountability, you can be sure that you’ll be reminded of your commitments and held to them, which goes a long way on those days when you’re feeling less than motivated.
- Let Your Commitments, Not Your Emotions, Drive You. It isn’t always easy to achieve and maintain success, and setbacks are part of the process. But there’s no doubt about it: If you commit yourself to success, it will happen. You just have to remember to stay the course no matter what arises. This is especially true when it comes to your own emotions. Sometimes the journey of personal transformation will be challenging, and some days you just won’t feel up to it. On those days, it’s important that you honor your emotions, allowing yourself to feel them without being driven by them. If you make your commitments your guiding force, you’ll be able to stay focused on your goals no matter what emotions come up for you along the way.
- Feel Fear, But Do It Anyway. If you’re really stretching and challenging yourself in your personal growth process, there’s one emotion you’re almost guaranteed to feel: fear. When you’re doing something you’ve never done before, it’s only natural to experience some degree of it. But it’s important to recognize that fear isn’t a barrier; it’s an indicator that you’re up to something new and different. The only way to avoid fear is to stay cocooned in your comfort zone—and I promise you, no growth will happen there. One of the biggest differences between the people who achieve their goals in life and the people who don’t is that the former feel fear and take the next step anyway, while the latter back down and avoid it at all costs. If you really want to take your life to the next level, practice making fear your friend; because the truth is, as long as you’re committed to transforming yourself, you can count on it coming around.
- Understand That You Can’t Fail. How free would you feel if you knew that no matter what you tried, you couldn’t fail? Well, I’m happy to tell you that this is, in fact, the case. You see, success and failure are subjective interpretations that we make up to define our results. So failure is only failure if you define it that way. Sure, you won’t get the results you want 100% of the time, but that doesn’t mean you’ve failed. Whenever you make an attempt at changing or accomplishing something, pay close attention to the result. If it doesn’t go the way you wanted it to, resist your temptation to tell yourself the failure story. Instead, recognize that you’re being presented with a priceless opportunity to gather information that will support your next attempts. What we’re quick to define as failure can be the biggest contributor to our success. If you’re willing to learn from your results and recognize that it’s impossible to fail, you can be free to try anything and break down any barriers in your way.
I hope these tips inspire you to take your life to the next level. What’s the first step you’ll take, and where are you headed?
