How Do You Eat an Elephant?

elephant in jungle

Desmond Tutu once wisely said that “there is only one way to eat an elephant: a bite at a time.” What he meant by this is that everything in life that seems daunting, overwhelming, and even impossible can be accomplished gradually by taking on just a little at a time. If you’ve ever wanted to accomplish something major, you know that getting started can be a bit of a challenge. Maybe you have some vague idea about what you want but not clue how to get it. Or perhaps you sit down to think about everything you have to do and get completely intimidated, freezing up and feeling incapable of taking the first step. This is a common experience, and it’s the reason so many people fall short of turning their dreams into reality. They try to eat the whole elephant in a single bite.

One very important key to eating the elephant as it’s meant to be eaten is setting goals. If you know me personally or have worked with me in therapy, you know I’m a big fan of goals. My life and work have provided me with enough evidence to confirm that human beings are capable of far more than we can even imagine. But in order to tap into our limitless potential, we have to know what it is we want to accomplish. Setting goals is an important practice for creating a meaningful, satisfying, successful life. And while the practice of goalsetting, in general, is important, there are certain ways to set goals that further increase the likelihood of success.

One particularly powerful method of goal-setting uses a clever acronym, SMART, to guide the process of turning big dreams into reality. Once you’ve come up with a goal, check to be sure it meets the following criteria:

Specific – Be clear and concrete about what you want to accomplish. It’s much easier to work toward a specific goal (lose 12 pounds) than it is to work toward a vague one (get in shape). When working on this aspect of your goal, visualize what your life will look like once you’ve accomplished it. That will help you define exactly what you want to achieve.

Measurable – Set a goal that allows you to measure your progress toward achieving it. Ask yourself the following question: How will I know that I’ve accomplished my goal? Some people find it helpful to break the main goal down into small, measurable objectives. For example, if your main goal is to start a business, you can break that down into all the progressive steps you’ll take along the way: create a business name, register the business, set up the tax ID, etc. Making your goal measurable is an important way to keep yourself on track. The bonus is that you can celebrate along the way as you attain each of the objectives that brings you closer to success!

Attainable – Make your goals realistic. One of the biggest pitfalls to success is making the goal too big. You don’t want to bite off more than you can chew, so take some time to think carefully about your goal and be sure that it’s reasonable and realistic. If you’re in your mid-30s and have a passion for baseball, it’ll make much more sense to set a goal of becoming a little league coach than aiming to become a star MLB player. Improve your chances of making your dreams come true by factoring reality into your plans.

Relevant – Set a goal that means something to you. Accomplishing your goals, no matter how big or small, takes work. By setting a goal that you’re passionate about and truly want to achieve, you’ll be more likely to stay motivated along the way. When the going gets tough, you can remind yourself of how much you want to reach the finish life and find the energy to keep going.

Time-Bound: Set a deadline, and commit to it! Putting time stamps on your goals is a way of holding yourself accountable and making sure you stay focused and on task. You may need to do some research to find out how long you can reasonably expect to have to work on your goal before you can accomplish it. If you don’t set a deadline, you won’t be nearly as likely to stay committed and keep the wheels in motion. Check in with your deadline every now and again to be sure it remains realistic, and use it as a way to stay motivated.

Motivational coach Zig Ziglar reminds us that “a goal properly set is halfway reached.” Setting a goal is just like eating an elephant. Bit by bit, bite by bite, you make possible what at first seemed impossible. You get a little bit closer to living your best life. No matter how big your goal is, you’ve got what it takes to make it happen. Get SMART and start making your dreams come true!

 

The Making of a Grateful Mind

the sun is setting over a city with tall buildings.

If you’re the type of person who actively seeks ways to improve your quality of life, you’re likely to have come across a thing or two about the importance of gratitude. Just about every self-help book on the shelves makes mention of gratitude, and researcher after researcher has touted its many benefits. People who practice gratitude have been found to be more compassionate, more optimistic, more joyful, and more content with themselves and their lives. Gratitude has been associated with higher levels of positive emotions, stronger immune systems, and lower blood pressure. Clearly, it wields a great deal of power.

But for many people, gratitude doesn’t come naturally.

In a culture that values the attainment of more (more money, more friends, more social media “likes,” more material things), it’s easy for us to feel like we’re lacking. We’re flooded with messages that tell us we don’t have enough and, even worse, that we aren’t enough. We like to believe that if only we had the right salary, the right body type, the right car, the right romantic partner, the right house, then we could be satisfied. But it doesn’t quite work that way. You see, research has shown that when we think that acquiring certain things—like money, status, or fame—will make us happier, we’re only setting ourselves up for dissatisfaction. Just as soon as we get what we wanted, we come up with other things to aim for; and until we acquire those things, we remain discontented. Social scientists call this the hedonic treadmill effect: the more we get, the more we want, and the more we want, the more unhappy we are.

The biggest problem with the hedonic treadmill is that once you step on, it’s really tough to hop off. However, there’s one thing that works particularly well for escaping this dilemma. Yep, you guessed it; it’s gratitude.

People who cultivate a sense of gratitude are able to appreciate and enjoy their lives, regardless of their external circumstances. They understand that by acknowledging what they have to give thanks for, they’re generating a sense of contentment and satisfaction that isn’t dependent on outside sources. If you’re one of those people who lives in gratitude, you know what I’m talking about. If you’re not one of those people but would like to be, here are a few ways you can begin to practice more gratitude in your life:

1) Greet Each Day Gratefully –The first thing many people do upon waking up is grumble about the fact that it’s morning. They grumpily get out of bed and start the day lethargically, begrudging the fact that they can’t sleep any longer. What we do when we first wake up has the potential to shape our entire day. That’s why the best time to practice gratitude is first thing in the morning. A few years ago I started a personal practice of not letting myself get up until I’ve thought of five things I’m grateful for. I might say to myself something like, “This morning I’m grateful for this comfortable bed, for having a reason to wake up in the morning, for the light of the beautiful sun shining through my window, for my air conditioner, and for the clothes I’ll wear to work today.” Reflecting on how fortunate I am automatically puts me in a joyful mood, and it’s in that spirit that I emerge from bed. You may come up with your own practice, but however you do it, maintain the intention of shaping your day with thankfulness.

2) Keep a Gratitude Journal – Researchers who study gratitude suggest that keeping a written record of the things we’re grateful for can have tremendous psychological and emotional benefits. Not only does the act of writing down things you’re thankful for get you in a positive mind state, it also allows you to put your experiences in context and create meaning in your life. The results of studies on gratitude journaling suggest that the practice is most effective when it’s done intentionally. In other words, people get the most of out it when they take their time to think about what they’re grateful for and experience the emotions that arise while they write it down. Researchers recommend writing about five items each time, and journaling only a couple of times per week rather than every day. So what are you waiting for? Get the lead out, and get grateful!

3) Make the Switch – Have you heard it said that we create our own reality? What about the saying “Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you react to it”? Well, there’s great wisdom in these expressions. As we go through life, we get to choose how to perceive what we experience. And what we choose makes all the difference. For example, sitting in traffic on your morning commute can either be agonizing or enjoyable. If you think, “I hate traffic! I wish I didn’t have to deal with this in the morning. I’m so jealous of people who work from home,” you’re going to feel really lousy. And who wants to feel lousy when you have a choice to feel otherwise? If you think, “I’m so grateful to have a car that gets me to work. I’m grateful to have the extra time to myself that I can use to listen to music and relax before the work day begins,” you generate an entirely different feeling. Suddenly that morning commute isn’t so bad. And it’s not just traffic that can be transformed this way. We can switch our minds to gratitude in absolutely every situation. It’s all a matter of focus. The best part is, when you regularly practice switching your perspective to look for what you’re grateful for rather than what’s lacking, you train your brain to pay attention in this way more often. Do this long enough and you’ll automatically see the upside without having to give it much effort.

4) Get Grateful Through Giving – One of the best ways to be reminded of what you have to be grateful for is to keep company with someone who’s less fortunate than you are. Most of us can agree that it feels really good to give to others; it serves as a reminder of our abundance. Volunteer work, service, and random acts of kindness are all incredible ways to cultivate a sense of gratitude. The more we give, the more we realize how much we have to give. And the more we realize that, the more grateful we become. When we give to others we also give to ourselves. It’s the greatest win-win situation of all.

When you start getting grateful you start to see your life transform right before you. You begin to realize that no matter what’s happening, there’s always something to be thankful for. Why not start getting grateful right here, right now? I challenge you to stay on this screen until you’ve named five things you’re grateful for.

Ready?

 

Set?

 

Go!!!