Meditation and Mental Health – Part 1  

a person standing on a beach at sunset.

 

On October 10, 2017—recognized as World Mental Health Day—I presented a talk on meditation and mental health at Innergy Meditation in Miami Beach.  What follows is the first installment in a five-part article series I’ve written to convey the major points of this discussion.

As someone who works with and believes in the power of meditation and mindfulness, I find it heartening to see the world of modern psychology catching up to the ancient wisdom behind these practices. Meditation and mindfulness have clear applicability in the world of psychology and mental health, with abundant support for their effectiveness. My intention behind writing these articles is to offer a compelling testament of these practices that might inspire you to explore how they can strengthen and expand your mental health.

Before I go any further, I want to start by outlining two distinctions. First, when I refer to meditation, I’m referring to the formal practice of sitting in meditation, irrespective of the particular form or tradition being practiced. Whether you’re into sound bowls, mantras, or guided meditations on YouTube, the information in this article applies. My intention is to talk about the functional aspects of meditation practice that support mental health, regardless of how it’s done. Secondly, though meditation is associated with many spiritual and religious traditions, it can be practiced in a secular way. It’s possible, therefore, to gain all the mental health benefits of meditation without having to subscribe to any particular ideology, approach, or tradition.

You’ll also notice that I regularly use the word mindfulness in this discussion. I use it to refer to the fundamental facets of meditation that we carry off the cushion and into the rest of life. To put it even more specifically, I’ll use Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn’s definition of mindfulness, which is simply a practice of paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, with a spirit of acceptance and non-judgment.

Both meditation—formal sitting practice—and mindfulness—a walking, moment-to-moment practice of centering our attention in particular ways—have been demonstrated and validated by scientific study to offer a host of mental health benefits. Some of these benefits include decreased anxiety, decreased depression, decreased stress, increased attention and concentration, increased sense of empathy, and improved overall sense of general wellbeing.

To expand on some of the particular benefits of meditation and mindfulness, I’ve decided to examine their impact on five key areas of mental health. Each article in this series will focus on one of these five mental health domains, the first of which is thoughts.

Any conversation about mental health, has to include some reference to thoughts. Of course, we’re thinking beings, so much of our experience occurs in the domain of thought. And while our minds can do many forms of thinking, there are two in particular that matter significantly to our mental health. First, our minds have a remarkable time-traveling capacity. At any given moment, our thoughts can carry us into the past or the future—and, in fact, this happens all the time. While you might appear from the outside to be cooking dinner or brushing your teeth, you’re likely to be time traveling inside your mind, perhaps thinking about how awful your drive home was or how terrifying it will be to grow old. Life is happening in the present moment, right here and now, but you’re time traveling and missing all of it.

Although it can be pretty neat to hop into the time travel machine in our skulls whenever we please, it doesn’t always turn out to be so pleasant. Depression and anxiety are associated with, among other things, recurring thoughts about the past or future. When our minds insist on pulling us out of our experience and into the time travel machine, our mental health can easily be compromised.

In meditation, we practice sitting with the intention to anchor our attention in the present moment. But inevitably, our thoughts carry us into the time travel machine, and we become distracted. What our practice helps us do is notice when we’ve wandered away so we can gently bring ourselves back. This practice of noticing that we’ve drifted and intentionally bringing ourselves back is like doing brain push-ups. It conditions a mental muscle that, if we utilize it in our daily lives, can help us do less time-traveling and more connecting. Because the truth is, the present moment is usually more pleasant and manageable than where our thoughts tend to take us.

Even if your practice supports you in staying present in the here-and-now, there’s another function of your mind for you to contend with: It’s what I call the storytelling mode—the function of your mind that runs an endless stream of commentary about whatever’s happening in each moment of your life. As humans, we’re meaning-making machines; we interpret everything that happens in our lives, telling ourselves a story about it and making it mean something. And while this isn’t an altogether bad thing, if it goes unchecked, it can dampen our sense of wellbeing and threaten our mental health. Let’s say, for example, that I have a conversation with a colleague. What’s actually happening, in concrete terms, is that my colleague and I are exchanging words with one another. No big deal, right? But if my mind is so inclined, I’ll start to tell myself a story about that conversation. I might tell myself things like, “Gosh, I sounded so stupid when I was talking about this morning’s meeting. I always say the wrong thing at the wrong time. Sooner or later, they’re going to realize I’m not cut out for this job. Then they’ll fire me, and nobody else will ever hire me again. I’m going to end up jobless and alone, because everyone will think I’m a failure. I’m going to die homeless on the streets.” This dramatic, self-deprecating spiral of thoughts can run through the mind in mere seconds. It’s the kind of thing our storytelling mode does—take us from a conversation with a colleague to destitution and ruin in no time at all.

Learning to work with the storytelling mode of the mind is essential to our mental health. If we believe all the thoughts that pass through our minds—especially those based on belief systems that frame us as worthless and life as hopeless—our mental health suffers considerably. If, however, we can develop a different sort of relationship with our thoughts, we can allow them to pass through our minds without becoming disturbed, convinced, or consumed by them. We can maintain and improve our mental health by adopting simple practices that shift the way we relate to the stories in our minds.

Through both meditation and mindfulness, we can learn to observe and bear witness to our thoughts, without believing, endorsing, following, or acting upon them. We come to understand, through our own direct experience, that our thoughts are just thoughts. They aren’t truths. They aren’t commands. They don’t define who we are. In other words, we are not our thoughts. At a literal, scientific level, our thoughts are just electrical impulses in our brains that carry data in the form of words. Just because they come up in our experience doesn’t mean we have to pay attention to them. If we can stay present to what’s actually happening around us in the present moment—like the conversation with a colleague I mentioned before—we can maintain our capacity to respond to life directly, instead of through the filter of the (sometimes terrifying) stories our minds weave. We can learn to notice that all of our thoughts do the same, predictable, thing: They enter our minds, and then they leave. If we do nothing about them, they come and go, all on their own. This ability to allow thoughts to pass without attaching to them is one of the most potent outcomes of meditation and mindfulness practice—one that can stand to transform the way we experience our lives.

Since our mental health consists largely of the relationship we have to the thoughts in our minds, utilizing meditation and mindfulness to transform this relationship is a worthwhile pursuit. I invite you to take the information you’ve read here and look for ways to shift the way you relate to and respond to your thoughts, seeing what new possibilities arise. I’ll see you soon with the second installment of the series. Be well until then.

One Big Storm, One Powerful Teacher

a beach with waves coming in to shore.

It’s been two days since Hurricane Irma finished whipping her way through the Caribbean and Southeastern United States. For the last week, life around here has unfolded in surreal fashion, and we’ve got a long way to go before things get back on track. All over the affected areas, people are experiencing varying degrees of devastation as a result of this storm’s overwhelming impact. We’re repairing what was damaged; grieving what was lost; scrambling for gasoline, water, and other essentials; hoping that our electricity, phone signal, and air conditioning will be restored; wondering how long it will take to rebuild. We’ve all got different circumstances and different stories. We’re all pretty tense and pretty tired. But in spite of it all, we’re getting a number of valuable lessons from Irma. If we’re willing to learn from this storm, there are many things it can teach us. Here are just a few:

The power of perspective. One of the first clients I worked with after the storm had a pretty harrowing Irma experience. As he recounted some of the details, I felt compassion and sympathy for what he’d gone through; I was filled with gratitude for not having struggled as much as he had. So I was astonished when he went on to say that his storm experience was one of the most beautiful and profound he’d ever had. While he acknowledged the unfavorable nature of his situation, he chose the perspective that the storm “happened for a reason,” and he opened himself up to what it had to teach him. The truth is, a natural disaster isn’t a completely positive experience. But it isn’t a completely negative one, either. We can choose our perspective, even when we can’t choose our circumstances—and that’s a pretty powerful thing.

The value of community.  It’s no secret: isolation is endemic in our culture, and it’s killing us. Modern living makes it easy to detach from one another and focus on our individual needs. But during times of collective crisis, we tend to pull together and lend each other a hand. In realizing that we’re all in this together, we’re more apt to connect and collaborate. All across the areas impacted by this storm, evidence of this abounds. And though it might be a difficult time, we get to experience some relief in knowing that we’re not alone. Whether we’re giving or receiving support, there’s a lesson to be learned about the magnificent gifts of connection and community.

The wisdom in surrender. One of the things that made Hurricane Irma such a severe disaster was the staggering size of it. For those of us in its path, there were few good options. Mother Nature was sending Irma to us, like it or not, and we couldn’t really get away from it. Though we got busy doing the best we could to prepare and protect ourselves, we couldn’t control the storm itself. We could, however, determine how to respond to it. We could become consumed with fear and anxiety, deny what was happening, resist the situation, or think of all the reasons why it shouldn’t be happening to us. But it was happening anyway. And the thing is, lots of life works this way. Irma gave us a gift in teaching us that when things are out of our control, all we can do is surrender. Not as a way to give up, but as a way to lean in to what’s already happening. There’s wisdom in this—the likes of which can transform our lives.

The beauty in simplicity. This storm has taken many things from many people. It’s brought devastating loss. And as difficult as it might be, it’s possible to see that something can be gained from what’s been lost. All of us who experienced this storm—even if we suffered little loss—have spent several days without certain comforts and constants. Starbucks is shuttered, nail salons are boarded up, and Netflix is inaccessible. Millions of homes lost electricity, and Wi-Fi is hard to find. Being stripped of the trappings of our cozy modern lives can offer a profound lesson for those willing to receive it. Our return to relative simplicity can teach us to discern between the vital and the inconsequential, the fundamental and the frivolous. It’s all too easy to get caught up in the details of our lives and lose sight of what matters most to us. Perhaps this lesson from Irma can inspire us to make an intentional practice of keeping it simple.

The reality of our resilience. There’s no denying that natural disasters like Hurricane Irma, Hurricane Harvey, and the devastating earthquake in Mexico create incredible suffering for the people affected by them. Much is lost and destroyed, to be sure. But even amidst their trauma and devastation, people continue to breathe the next breath, take the next step, and continue moving forward. Words like relief, repair, recovery, and rebuild become part of our common discourse about these events just as soon as they’ve happened; this alone is proof of our expansive capacity to begin again. These are troubling times for many. But they will pass. And we’ll get through it, one way or another, to continue beginning again and again.

If you’ve been affected by Hurricane Irma and are seeking support, let’s connect and set up a time to talk.

Want to lend a hand to the communities affected by the storm? Here are some ways you can contribute:

The Miami Foundation Hurricane Relief Efforts

Hurricane Irma Community Recovery Fund

The New Tropic List of Ways to Help & Volunteer

 

 

 

 

When the Unimaginable Happens: Coping With Tragedy

rows of lit candles in a dark room.

I had to take a few weeks off from writing, and I was really looking forward to getting back to it. But this post is not at all what I had in mind. It’s been an incredibly trying few days for countless people who are finding themselves dumfounded and devastated in the wake of the mass shooting at Pulse nightclub in Orlando, Florida. Forty-nine innocent queer individuals and allies lost their lives, and the world is still reeling. I’m not yet able to fully articulate my thoughts and emotions about this horrific event, but I would be remiss if I didn’t take an opportunity to address what happened in some fashion. If you have been affected—as most of us have—by what happened in Orlando, I offer these suggestions:

  • Give yourself permission to feel what you feel. Events like this one can stoke a number of unpleasant emotions. Feelings of anger, sadness, despair, fear, and defeat are common; and though it never feels good to keep company with those emotions, it’s important that you allow yourself to do it. Failing to attend to the natural emotions that arise when tragedy strikes can lead to what we in the mental health field call complicated grief. It can prolong the bereavement process and lead to the development of other, more chronic emotional and psychological challenges. Remember that all feelings are okay. Whatever emotions arise for you are completely valid—and like all emotions, they will eventually pass.
  • Set limits on your media consumption. If you tune in to any form of media in the wake of a tragedy, you’re guaranteed to be inundated with images, videos, commentary, and debates that are, to some extent, informative but can become completely overwhelming if not limited. When a traumatic event occurs, it’s natural to want to seek information in an effort to make sense of what happened. But how much is too much? Social science researchers tell us that repeated exposure to tragic events through the media can result in vicarious trauma, a secondhand form of trauma that is incited and perpetuated by the flooding of imagery and information about a tragic event. It’s okay to inform yourself, but do it mindfully and in moderation.
  • Seek the comfort of community. Connect with the people around you, and seek solace in the relationships you have with them. Find strength in togetherness, and lean in to the supportive structure that community provides. There’s something very soothing about recognizing that we’re all in this together. Do everything possible to remind yourself of that.
  • Get involved. One of the most difficult things about coping with a tragedy is the feeling of helplessness it provokes. Knowing that people are suffering as a result of what happened can be troubling, especially if it feels like there’s nothing you can do about it. But in most cases, there are plenty of ways that you can make a difference in the lives of the people most affected by the tragic event. One of the greatest things about social media is that when disaster strikes, we can quickly and easily connect with people, organizations, and resources that will help us get involved and give in whatever ways we can. Volunteering your time or contributing in other ways—like giving blood, making financial contributions, donating necessary items, or building houses—is a helpful way to cope with the tragedy and regain a sense of hope.
  • Talk to a professional. It isn’t always easy to recover from the shock and trauma of a tragic event. Everyone processes things differently, and how long it takes to feel okay again is completely unique to each individual. But while it’s normal to be affected, you should seek the help of a therapist or other professional if your functioning is impaired. Having someone to talk to about what you’re experiencing is incredibly important during times like these; through the support of a professional experienced in treating trauma, you can learn ways to cope effectively and manage to stay well.

 Dealing with the emotional impact of a largescale tragedy is never easy. But it’s important that you find ways to adaptively cope and take care of yourself. Try to keep your hope alive, and remember that you are not alone. Give yourself permission to grieve, and then gather your strength and continue living. The world needs you. Be well, today and always.

Don’t Take Anything Personally

two seagulls are flying in the sky together.

In just a few days, I’ll have the distinct pleasure of hearing one of my favorite authors speak in an intimate setting. For me, this is the equivalent of going to a sold-out rock concert or the premier of a blockbuster movie. It’s a really big deal. The author I’m referring to, don Miguel Ruiz, is best known for sharing transformational insights from the ancient Toltec tradition. The most famous of his books, The Four Agreements, is an international bestseller. The wisdom contained within it is, at once, approachable and profound. It has changed many lives—including my own.

As the title of the book suggests, The Four Agreements describes four contracts we can make with ourselves to become free from the many self-limiting beliefs we’ve been conditioned to hold on to, which cause much of our suffering. While all of the agreements in the book have the potential to radically change the way we view ourselves, others, and life in general, there’s one in particular that’s been on my mind quite a bit lately. It’s the second agreement: Don’t Take Things Personally.

When I first read The Four Agreements, I was struck by the simple language Ruiz uses to describe a life-changing concept. Here’s a particularly compelling excerpt from that section in the book:

“Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally… Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world.”

Wow! Pretty powerful stuff, isn’t it?

I was deeply moved upon first reading these words, and I continue to be struck by their significance today. The many years I’ve spent working with all kinds of people in therapy have shown me that everyone has, at one time or another, been wounded by the opinions, words, and actions of other people. Their interactions with other others have resulted in pain and rejection, and many of them have become fearful as a result. They shut down, avoid intimacy, lash out, or become consumed by thoughts about how other people feel about them. Every one of us has some experience with taking things personally and experiencing real pain as a result. So Ruiz’s declaration that we can free ourselves of these binds is remarkably good news.

The Toltec wisdom contained in the second agreement has been around for centuries, and many famous philosophers and psychologists have written about it and developed theories based on its central premise. In truth, we are all living our own personal realities, which are shaped by our thoughts, emotions, beliefs, culture, mood, upbringing, and experiences. We go through the world as if we are the producer, director, screenwriter, and star of our own personal movie, and we expect everyone we encounter—the other actors, bit players, and extras—to know their lines. When they don’t follow the script, we suffer. But, you see, everyone else in the world is living their own movie. Everyone else is living their own reality—or, as don Miguel Ruiz would put it, their own dream. They don’t know their lines in the script for our movie, just as we don’t know our lines in theirs. When we take this personally, we suffer unnecessarily, because it was never about us to begin with.

In the section of The Four Agreements about not taking things personally, Ruiz goes on to say:

“As you make a habit of not taking anything personally, you won’t need to place your trust in what others do or say. You will only need to trust yourself to make responsible choices. You are never responsible for the actions of others; you are only responsible for you. When you truly understand this, and refuse to take things personally, you can hardly be hurt by the careless comments or actions of others.”

These are words we can all begin to live by, and benefit tremendously from doing so. They can help us to understand a very important truth: that everything we think, say, and do is not a reflection of reality, but a reflection of ourselves. Therefore, it’s also true that everything other people think, say, and do is not a reflection of us, but a reflection of themselves. This shift in understanding creates the potential for a much freer existence fraught with far less suffering.

I can’t wait to have the invaluable opportunity to sit in don Miguel Ruiz’s presence as he imparts more wisdom that I can adopt in my own life and share with my clients and readers. If you’re interested in reading more about the second agreement and getting familiar with the other three agreements outlined in the book, I highly recommend that you get a copy of The Four Agreements. It’s an easy read, a true page turner! And, for those of you in South Florida who are interested in joining me to hear Ruiz speak along with his son, don Miguel Ruiz, Jr., check out the information below and click the link to purchase your ticket.

Until next time!

 

 

To Love With the Freedom of Life: An Evening of Toltec Wisdom

don Miguel Ruiz Sr. & don Miguel Ruiz Jr.

Friday, May 6th at 6:00 p.m.

Unity on The Bay – Miami, FL

https://tickets.brightstarevents.com/event/ruin-unity-on-the-bay